On the King and Queen of Certificates…

You see before you the King of Certificates, high on his firebird throne. As you know, the firebird is both a bringer of doom and a blessing, which is fitting, as (like all the court cards), this king can represent a real person, and indeed he does. It may seem strange when I tell you how he came to be on this card. To this person I owe my very existence as an ethical tarot reader. For this is Alex, whose advertisement I noticed on ebay when looking for goats.

He was offering tarot certificates in return for eight pounds and an essay on various aspects of the tarot, including history and all sorts of other things. I sent off my carefully crafted essay with the eight pounds and awaited my lovely certificate with the greatest anticipation, but to my horror and dismay an email arrived refusing to certify me on the grounds that I was not ethical! I was distraught and went into a spiral of distraction. Goodness knows where I’d have ended up if Alex had not replied to my email begging him to reconsider his verdict with yet another refusal and an email detailing all the ethics that my essay seemed to have contravened.

Dear Reader, I went into retreat, taking this terrible list with me. The following weeks were spent sleeping in the orchard with the many goats and other animals at the old place, meditating and living on apples and goat’s milk. It was cold at night so I’d been snuggled up to Baphomet for warmth and smelled rather strongly of billy goat. I needed a bath and a cup of nettle tea so I came at last to the conclusion that I must abandon my old ways to the pit of doom and become ethical.

Back at the house, clean and refreshed, I set to work and made seven tinfoil hats. Then I created The Order of the Tin Foil Hat Ethical Tarot Certificate, and awarded it to myself. I began this, my very own blog, to connect to my clients and followers, and from that day I have never looked back.

Thank you Alex, you are truly the King of Certificates.

And here am I, Aisselle AT Gabegie, in my very finest tin foil hat, the Queen of Certificates in all her glory. (My thrysus may be very slightly bent, but notice how much larger and greater than Alex I appear.)

Blessings be upon your ethical kingly head, Alex, (wherever you may be), and please feel free to contact me if you’d like to become a member of the Ethical Order of the Tin Foil Hat and I’ll see what I can do.

Written in love and peace,

Aisselle

Advertisements

Ace of Certificates

It seems so long ago that I was awarded the prestigious Order of the Tinfoil Hat that I’d almost forgotten all about it. Yet those were testing times, and in a way that milestone was the beginning of a new life for me, and Jay too.

You can read all about my trials and tribs in earlier posts, so I won’t go into too much detail here. It will be enough to say that I am now very ethical and never (well, only in very special cases) take payment in other than cash and material items.

So to celebrate and create a permanent reminder of the day the beautiful certificate was placed in my trembling fingers I have commemorated the event with another card for The Grand Ellessia Tarot of Aisselle Gabegie. I hope you like it as much as I do.

I’ve been very busy on the farm, mostly picking raspberries and trying not to eat too many. I was reminded of dear Baphomet who loved the wild ones that used to grow at the edge of the orchard at our old place – how I miss him and all the other creatures. Perhaps one day we will return, possibly when George and Minet’s spawn have grown and flown. George and Minet will be quite old then, although I will still be 37 (or is it 39?). No matter, I will be forever young.

Love and Blessings to you all,

Aisselle

A Heart to Heart

Luckily Henna wasn’t badly hurt. All that had happened was that she’d hit her head a crack on the ceiling with an extra high jump and bitten her tongue. We struggled a bit, accompanied by appropriate sound effects, but as soon as I’d mopped up all the blood and worked out where it was coming from she stopped screaming and began to moan softly. She’s been fairly quiet since it happened, due perhaps to swelling of the tongue, but as I type this she’s making a chickweed poultice to ease the inflammation. So let’s return to yesterday, and Joel’s visit.

Joel and yours truly descended the basement stairs and I locked the door to the kitchen behind us. I had to grope for the matches and candles as it’s pitch dark down there once that door is shut, and I think I may have groped Joel a bit in the process, but I’m not too sure about this as he didn’t comment.

But at last two large candles flickered on my reading table, and we drew up the chairs and faced each other through the glow. We spoke first a little about Henna. Joel had been shocked but not altogether surprised at her first words to him – she’d abandoned him, after all. Come to think of it, they were her only words throughout the time she stayed for tea, before she went upstairs to jump on the bed.

Joel told me a little of his life to date. The tobacco magnet had gone bankrupt fairly soon after adopting him and life had been hard, although Joel knew little of this at the time. The TM had even returned to the convent to request the return of the money he’d donated to secure Joel’s adoption, but the nuns had spent it all (a huge amount) on a new altar, and sent him off with hard words ringing in his ears. So Joel and his new dad had lived a nomadic life, crossing borders seemingly at random, until they were refused entry to Australia due to a misunderstanding about some illegal substance or other. They fled here, to Great Britain, where a welcome can be relied upon for all who care to apply for one, and have been here ever since, living modestly. The TM started a new business growing tobacco in the attic. Joel tells me it’s warm up there under the lights, and he makes a reasonable living.

After I’d filled him in on my life to date, Joel spoke of how he’d found me when googling ‘Spiritual Tarot Reader’ during a difficult time when he needed some sound advice. The readings I did for him apparently awakened his own inherent love of all things spirituelle, and he began to study. He did admit that the readings were a slightly devious way of seeing how a relationship worked between reader and client, and that he’d been surprised at our encounters, but I told him not to concern himself with the ethical side of things, as we all need to survive somehow, and if there’s one thing I learned from Henna it’s that sometimes one has to go with one’s instincts and urges.

At this a slightly fearful look entered his right eye, and he stood up, saying that time was getting on and he must be off, as he had to call in on the TM on the way home to collect something. As he said this he produced a small packet which he pressed into my hand, saying that he’d been following my blog avidly, and this was an early birthday present, but as he couldn’t be with me then, not to open it till tomorrow.

And so we parted at the kitchen door, and I watched as he quietly closed the gate and bolted across the orchard with Baphomet close behind. Luckily he made it to the lane, where he’d left his red Ford Prefect.

But I’d given him a hug as we’d said goodbye and promised to keep in touch.

How wonderful are the hidden ways of the Universe that brought him to my door and revealed him in all his splendour! There is truly something beautiful about him.

Blessings, Aisselle

Clients can be so fascinating!

Well, I suppose I should share a rather interesting experience I had earlier this week with a new client…

The gentleman came to me, quite distressed and urgently in need of a reading from a tarot master such as myself.  So I took him down to my basement and locked all the doors. We then discussed payment, and came to a certain agreement since he did not have sufficient cash for a reading, which was very mutually agreeable to both of us.

So we proceeded with the reading, which was very deep and spiritual, and of course, I made sure all the usual rules about readings were in place and that I had an astrologically appropriate tin foil hat on my head. Oddly, this client seemed to get very excited when I insisted that he call me ma’am or sir (his choice) during the reading. In fact, he seemed almost more excited about the payment than the reading itself!

Anyway, I tried to advise him to also get a spiritual cleansing, as I had a vision from Hermaphroditey during the payment portion of things about that, but sadly he did not listen to my knowing wisdom on this occasion.

He did promise to write a testimonial about my services for the blog though. I do hope that he does, as he seemed quite satisfied with everything, if I do say so…

Anyway, it’s time to milk my goats again. Blessings, all!