Uneasy thoughts.

I know I’ve already blogged a couple of times today but I have something quite terrifying on my mind about Joel that I can’t bring myself to ignore any more.  I went to meditate in the company of the goats to try and relieve myself of this horrible shroud that’s wrapped itself  around  my shoulders but it’s hanging onto me like a second skin.  I have to get this off my chest.

After Joel had left, I got to thinking about parts of our conversation, mainly the bit about tobacco plants in the upstairs room.  I’m the first to admit I know nothing about these things but that room sounds very suspicious to me.  What exactly is being grown, and why did Joel look as scared as he did when he said he needed something from there?

We’ve had one heart to heart but I really need another to put my mind at rest and stop me thinking the worst but would Joel open up and talk of  that side of his life to me anyway?  I badly needed some time and space to consult my cards.

I waited while Jay and Henna were away doing their own things, then sitting at the kitchen table I took a deep breath and with shaking hands I took out my favourite deck and asked the cards if Joel was on drugs.  I drew The Hanged Man.  This does give a glimmer of hope that I’m wrong, because it means nothing is conclusive as yet.

Oh, I so need to talk with Joel again!

Aisselle

The Fool

The Fool by Grand Ellessia Tarot Cards
The Fool a photo by                                            Grand Ellessia Tarot Cards on Flickr.

I may walk with eyes closed because my superior intuition and psychic excellence lead me on my path.

I close my eyes so that you may open yours.

I tumble elegantly over the edge of reason so that you may find clarity.

I walk with an empty basket so you may fill it.

A Heart to Heart

Luckily Henna wasn’t badly hurt. All that had happened was that she’d hit her head a crack on the ceiling with an extra high jump and bitten her tongue. We struggled a bit, accompanied by appropriate sound effects, but as soon as I’d mopped up all the blood and worked out where it was coming from she stopped screaming and began to moan softly. She’s been fairly quiet since it happened, due perhaps to swelling of the tongue, but as I type this she’s making a chickweed poultice to ease the inflammation. So let’s return to yesterday, and Joel’s visit.

Joel and yours truly descended the basement stairs and I locked the door to the kitchen behind us. I had to grope for the matches and candles as it’s pitch dark down there once that door is shut, and I think I may have groped Joel a bit in the process, but I’m not too sure about this as he didn’t comment.

But at last two large candles flickered on my reading table, and we drew up the chairs and faced each other through the glow. We spoke first a little about Henna. Joel had been shocked but not altogether surprised at her first words to him – she’d abandoned him, after all. Come to think of it, they were her only words throughout the time she stayed for tea, before she went upstairs to jump on the bed.

Joel told me a little of his life to date. The tobacco magnet had gone bankrupt fairly soon after adopting him and life had been hard, although Joel knew little of this at the time. The TM had even returned to the convent to request the return of the money he’d donated to secure Joel’s adoption, but the nuns had spent it all (a huge amount) on a new altar, and sent him off with hard words ringing in his ears. So Joel and his new dad had lived a nomadic life, crossing borders seemingly at random, until they were refused entry to Australia due to a misunderstanding about some illegal substance or other. They fled here, to Great Britain, where a welcome can be relied upon for all who care to apply for one, and have been here ever since, living modestly. The TM started a new business growing tobacco in the attic. Joel tells me it’s warm up there under the lights, and he makes a reasonable living.

After I’d filled him in on my life to date, Joel spoke of how he’d found me when googling ‘Spiritual Tarot Reader’ during a difficult time when he needed some sound advice. The readings I did for him apparently awakened his own inherent love of all things spirituelle, and he began to study. He did admit that the readings were a slightly devious way of seeing how a relationship worked between reader and client, and that he’d been surprised at our encounters, but I told him not to concern himself with the ethical side of things, as we all need to survive somehow, and if there’s one thing I learned from Henna it’s that sometimes one has to go with one’s instincts and urges.

At this a slightly fearful look entered his right eye, and he stood up, saying that time was getting on and he must be off, as he had to call in on the TM on the way home to collect something. As he said this he produced a small packet which he pressed into my hand, saying that he’d been following my blog avidly, and this was an early birthday present, but as he couldn’t be with me then, not to open it till tomorrow.

And so we parted at the kitchen door, and I watched as he quietly closed the gate and bolted across the orchard with Baphomet close behind. Luckily he made it to the lane, where he’d left his red Ford Prefect.

But I’d given him a hug as we’d said goodbye and promised to keep in touch.

How wonderful are the hidden ways of the Universe that brought him to my door and revealed him in all his splendour! There is truly something beautiful about him.

Blessings, Aisselle

The Devil

The Devil by Grand Ellessia Tarot Cards
The Devil a photo by                                            Grand Ellessia Tarot Cards on Flickr.

The goat headed king of the scallywags fishes for feelings from his furious quarry.
The sneaky box peddles its dreams at a costly price of time.
If I were a lesser being, a pathetic human beast like yourself then there would be danger of having my soul sucked into such a pantomime.
You don’t have the luxury of my wisdom so take heed and swap that slithery screen for a mirror.

Tea with Joel

Today has passed slowly in waiting for Joel. I hovered just inside the kitchen door, and as the big hand approached twelve and the small hand crept towards four looked towards the table which was laid for tea. The blue and white striped crockery sat upon the best red gingham tablecloth like stripey things on a checked surface. The goat cheese sandwiches had been cut into triangles and carefully arranged to form a pyramid – a thoughtful reminder of the occult origins of the tarot. How wonderful that Joel loves it as I do – it must either be a genetic trait or an ancestral memory. The parsnip and nettle cake had pride of place in the centre, next to the goat’s cheese cheesecake, with a spring salad of shepherd’s purse, garlic mustard, ramsom leaves and chickweed to nibble on the side. We should all eat like goats to stay healthy.

The cuckoo popped out of the clock that Jay had brought me back from Margate and I jumped – difficult when you’re hovering, but I was so nervous. No sign of Joel though. Perhaps I should have mentioned a time? But surely everyone knows what time to come for tea?

Minutes passed, but at last I heard the sound of hooves as Joel just made it through the gate ahead of Baphomet, who can get a bit possessive of what he considers his orchard. I thought he greeted me somewhat warily as I came out to meet him – no half-brotherly hugs or kisses – but I took his arm and brought it and him into the kitchen. Henna was already at the table, peering over the top of her round spectacles, unlit pipe between her teeth, having made the tea a good ten minutes earlier at four. It would be black as treacle.

Jay nodded to Joel as we sat down. Pouring tea has a way of relaxing tension, I find, but there was an awkward moment when Henna took the pipe out from between her teeth, fixed Joel with a steely eye and said, ‘Well, I’m yer Ma – get over it,’ before breaking out in a explosive sound somewhere between a cackle and a hacking cough.

I could see now how alike Joel and I are, but it is dark in the basement, so I think I can be forgiven for not noticing when Jay used to guide him down there for tarot readings. It does seem odd that Jay didn’t spot the similarity though.

After tea Jay suggested that Joel and I take a walk in the orchard for a long half-brotherly/sisterly chat while he cleared away the tea things. Henna had lost interest in the proceedings and gone up to her room, where we could hear her jumping on the bed, bells jangling.

Unfortunately, no sooner had we reached the gate than it began to pour with rain, so we decided to repair to my reading room in the basement. But a second ago there was a huge crash, and now I can hear Henna screaming my name. So I must go quickly – what passed between us there will have to wait until tomorrow.

Till When, Aisselle

Come

Goats It’s funny how the Universe answers our unspoken questions – all those of us who have the knowledge have to do is to tune into the Spiritual Vibrations all around us – a little like listening to a radio instead of letting it gabble incomprehensibly on in the background.

I spent the morning in the orchard with the goats, but after a while noticed that there was something strange about their behavior. Instead of greeting me as usual they held back, watching as I found a sheltered spot underneath the old plum tree.

The daisies are coming up again, and I found myself mindlessly making a chain for Ruby, a very girly goat who loves such things and dashes around wildly for a while before tossing her head and catching the little offering between her teeth. But she didn’t approach me at all. None of them did. They just stood watching and waiting, keeping their distance.

I couldn’t bear it. It seemed that my beloved goats no longer wanted my caresses. I watched them for a minute. Then, Come, I called softly, and with one accord they dashed across the space between us and were their old selves again.

And that’s how the answer arrived. When the significance of this happening had sunk in I kissed them all goodbye and went indoors to send Joel an email. Just one word – Come – although I did add a PS saying Tomorrow, 4 T. All I have to do now is to make a parsnip and nettle cake and wait for the hours to pass.

Blessings, Aisselle

Decisions are not easy.

I have thought long and hard about Joel – I hardly slept at all last night. It didn’t help that Henna  keeps looking at me and coughing horribly – I’m sure she is wondering what is on my mind, but after her revelations she is afraid to ask me more. She is hoping I will tell her, but just because she is my mother doesn’t mean I want to talk to her about this. On the contrary – I feel rather “you got me into this” towards her just now, so I didn’t even tell her I had made contact with Joel. Suddenly, and not for the first time I almost wish I had no mother, were it not that then I would cease to be.

Of course I want to meet him again. I liked him well enough years ago, so why wouldn’t I ? But would this be the best thing to do – for him or for me ? Could it confuse him; could it affect my powers in any way ? How can one tell ?

I talked to Jay, and bless him, he said that I must do whatever I feel is best. If I were sure what was best, this would be so easy. I must answer Joel’s email, of course. I was the first to make contact; it is only polite. But what to say, what to say.

I looked out of the kitchen window – and the rabbit I love so much was foraging for fallen bird seed. We must all use everything we can in life. Waste is – so wasteful. And it seems to be raining – even the sky weeps for me in my dilemma. I will go and meditate with the goats and then compose my response. This evening, it must be done.

Blessings; please think of me.

Aisselle.

A Reply!

Joel has replied to my email and Hermaphroditey smiles on me again! But I’ll let you read it for yourselves – never let it be said that Aisselle A.T. Gabegie is not a caring sharing soul. Here ’tis in full.

Dear Aisselle, 

I’m flabbergasted to say the least. This may take some time to sink in.
After spending some time crouched crying in the shower and brushing my teeth for over an hour I’m beginning to come to terms with things.
How strange that I……..one of your most avid and secret followers would turn out to be halfly the same flesh and blood as you.

I feel we have missed out on a lot of time, I wish I’d been informed earlier, especially before you ‘took’ my ‘payments’

I always thought there could be some specialness inside of me, and now I know there is!

My head is spinning round with a mixture of fear and excitement!

I would love to see you again and try and build a family type relationship, at the moment though I’m in hiding due to some advice you gave me in my last reading with you.

What is the old bag like? I have only had the brief pleasure of her company.

I’m honoured that I’m a relation of yours, you are without doubt the wisest and most influential spiritually advanced being I have ever read about or come across………

I am now going to go into the nearby field and meditate to calm down.

As you know I also dabble in the Tarot since participation in your speedily advanced course.

I’ve been trying some rather advanced experimental techniques, my latest involved me having to get a job in the supermarket stacking shelves, I snook in in the middle of the night and attached cards to 78 different shopping trolleys then read the cards the next day depending on where unsuspecting members of the public took them.
The Two of Wands bumped into the magician at the deli counter and I nearly knocked over a pyramid of baked beans cans. A sign that my power was increasing!

My studies continue.

If I come out of hiding in the near future, would you want to meet me?

I look forward to your reply

Joel

I shall have to think carefully how best to reply.

Blessings, Aisselle

Ace of Goats

Ace of Goats by Grand Ellessia Tarot Cards

Ace of Goats a photo by                                  Grand Ellessia Tarot Cards on Flickr.

The Ace of Goats is “George”. He is a volunteer because he came from a neighbour’s farm and just decided to stay with us. He is a pretty boy and a lady’s man. Content in his physical grounding he lies on the ground. He has no desire to burn, flow, fly or leap about; George is content.

Casting George in the role of the Ace of Goats has had a calming effect this afternoon. I haven’t heard from Joel – although it’s only a few hours since I emailed. Perhaps I should try to be more like George.

Blessings, Aisselle.

An Email

Well, I did it, Dear Readers. I sent Joel an email. It was a difficult thing to write, but if Henna wasn’t going to tell him, I suppose it had to be me. And now I am drained of everything, including Spiritual Insights, at least for the time being. I will go to my couch in the basement, away from Henna’s kitchen experiments and throw a few cards. With rest and gentle exercise my skills may rise again to pre-Henna heights, enabling me to answer the rather tricky question posted in Dear Aisselle yesterday.

I reproduce the email for you below.

Dear Joel,

This is a difficult subject, and I’m not all sure how to begin. It seems that we are related. My mother (she was that strange woman who took a swab from your mouth the year before last when you arrived for your first tarot reading), tells me that you are her love child by a… Well, perhaps it’s better if you read how she revealed these things to me yourself on my blog – Aisselle’s Spiritual Tarot Insights.

It has been pointed out to me that I shouldn’t have posted your name until I’d told you, but to be honest, it didn’t occur to me that Henna hadn’t thought to mention it to you until I’d had time to think.

Perhaps we could meet again when you’ve had time to cogitate? I’m not sure whether or not you want to see the old bat – who is staying for a while (hopefully not long) – but in any case let me know what you decide.

Blessings, Aisselle.

PS: My many fans are following the blog to see what happens next, so please be aware that I will post not only this email but your reply, and don’t reveal anything that either of us would prefer remained private and between ourselves.